I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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