I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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