I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
