Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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