seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
