Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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