booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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