that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
