I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
