I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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