it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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