i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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