YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
