Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
