ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just gift wrapped bread.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
