I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
