ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't think brook has ever known best
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
