like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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