You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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