I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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