What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
