Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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