Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
