this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
