so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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