can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
