Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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