I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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