you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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