someone threw a dead crab at me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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