i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
