the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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