At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
