You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
