This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
