i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
