I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
