Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
