I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
