the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
