I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
