Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
