Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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