i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
