I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
