i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
