I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
