Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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