Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
