so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
